Nobody devises a cleverer plan than myself. It is simple biology. Flagella are the superior manipulation tool. I have two that can type, three that can visualize contingencies and reactions, and one to hold a cup of Joe. Simultaneously. I’ll debate anyone who says differently.

Alas, all plans rely on other beings to implement. Some call them ‘foot soldiers’ or ‘front line customer service personnel’, but I prefer the proper term: minions. When a plan fails, you must find the minion responsible and see that they are disciplined. Some minions are simply too weak, or too squeamish, to do more than regurgitate repetitious buzzwords. Do not give them responsibility, but do encourage them in their important task.

The Hugo-Gamergate incident, soon shortened to “The Hu-G”, obviously needed a scapegoat. We’d debated for hours when a snack break was called for. I suggested burgers and fries. Terri, naturally, had a problem with that, so we nominated her to fetch something more appropriate, like mushroom quiche cakes. The blaming vote was unanimous, with one abstention. Terri was deemed guilty. You’d think she’d have seen it coming, with all the eyes and everything.

My Machiavellian genius sometimes surprises even me.

The Hu-G was soon forgotten. Conveniently edited away. It resides in internet meme Elysium where it belongs. Nobody remembers a time when the CHORFs even hinted that Gamergate was responsible for Puppy-related choices appearing on the Hugo ballot. On to the next grand stratagem, to rid the internet of puppy happiness forever. It will surely work this time!