When The Churchians comic was barely a germ of an idea, I needed to find its name. This was in the summer of 2016, just a few months before The Election that Birthed a New Country: The Disunited States of America. You might remember that.

The word Churchian had been tossed about quite a bit on the internet, and I began to research how it came about. The earliest instances I could find came from 2004-2006. To the best of my knowledge, it was just a garden-variety insult directed at Christians who would formerly be accused of hypocrisy, among other sins. Folks catapulted it at any Christian they didn’t like, merely because they didn’t like them. It still isn’t in common enough usage for Google Analytics to tell us anything interesting. Or maybe I’d have to pay Big G for that information. Which I refuse to do.

It is a waste of a pretty great word. We’ve lost so many great words that I decided to upcycle this one.

A Churchian is a Christian whose faith has been colonized by the ideals of the world. Rather than being “in the world and not of it”, they’ve absorbed various worldly ideas and incorporated them into their faith in Christ. Or in some cases, they’ve fully embraced various worldly ideas and pack Jesus into the nooks and crannies where He doesn’t cause too much cognitive dissonance.

The Christian Feminist is in reality a Feminist Christian. Feminism as currently practiced is incompatible with Christ.

The Christian Capitalist is in reality a Capitalist Christian. Capitalism has a really ugly side that we don’t really talk about. To put it simply, these folks idolize money. Some follow the Prosperity Gospel and believe Christ measures faith via bank account. Others view their church as a business, and treat fellow Christians as customers

The Christian Republicrat is in reality a Republicrat Christian. They idolize politics, and the state of the political landscape is how God keeps score. The worst offenders have no interest in serving Christ, they are only interested in using Christ so their fellow parishioners will serve them. Or more precisely, their masters.

The Christian Marxist isn’t a thing at all. Marxism is in no way compatible with a belief in Christ. It would be like declaring yourself to be a Luciferian Christian or a Scientologist Christian. People who hold those beliefs are not Christians.

There are many other examples. I’m not the Christian police, so don’t ask me whether a Churchian is saved or will see heaven. I don’t know. Ask God.

And remember this: Churchians don’t know they’re Churchians, just like normies don’t know they’re normies. Perhaps a simpler way to put it is that a Churchian is a normie who believes in Christ. Tempest in a Teardrop: The Churchians hinges on this concept, and we’re hoping to show this as our tale continues to unfold.