Larry: I am Larry the Bear-Totoro Thing, and today we have special blog post live from Dewberry Woods Fashion Show! I know little bit about fashion but mainly how to conceal many weapons in clotheses. So I have brought friend today for help: Sarah Mouse.
Sarah: Hi everybody. We’re excited to be attending the first-ever Dewberry Woods Fashion Show. All the denizens of the comic have turned out to see what promises to be an extravaganza of chic fashion statements for the modern scary world of 2015. First up we have–
Sarah: Absolutely. Terribly embarrassing. Ooh, look at these two!
Sarah: The pantaloon hasn’t been seen since the 1400s, except for a brief appearance as ‘parachute pants’ in the mid-1980s. Now we can all see why. Oh wow, what is this one wearing?
Sarah: They will surely be a top seller this fall, but the designer really missed out by not including a built-in selfie stick. I expect to see a few of those on some of our residents. Stop looking at me like that, I don’t name-and-shame!
Larry: This is first time, then. Here we have supermodel doing homage to Kate the Unicorn, for her role in Sad Puppies IV. Funny impression. Make Larry laugh.
Sarah: Yes it is, Larry. We have some entries by our Guest of Honor, designer Rick Owens. His first entry is indeed based on a viking tunic, with plenty of deadly hardware attached. The strategic cutout helps make TSA checks go faster, and does nothing to hide his male privilege. [editor: This is true. Many NSFW images are available with the proper search – from your local library, of course!]
Larry: This is bad, bad choice to make. Everyone can see his patriarchy! Floppy toga-thing is over-sized. Make him look small.
Sarah: The crisp fall air we have in the woods today doesn’t exactly help him stand out either. Rick’s next entry is supposed to make a statement about ablism.
Larry: I see. In addition to being supermodel, model is also superhero! Four arms make work take half time, extra legs strategically placed to ward off wierdo people. Now everybody knows what is like to not have all limbs. Next up is… what is this, Sarah?
Larry: This is brilliant way to buy one ticket at movies and sneak friend in. ‘No, is NOT other person, is accessory! Do you not live in Los Angeles, simpleton?’ Note heavy OSHA-approved lifting straps rating for up to 90 lbs. Does Obamacare have medical code for ‘catastrophic runway pileup’?
Sarah: For our last model… I. Have. No. Words.
Larry: I see professionals making stunt look easy. Clearly they no have trust issues. Or boundaries. This is good replacement for corporate retreat team-building fall-back-and-catch-me exercise. No Tex-Mex allowed at retreat, though. Only true friend would volunteer to be couture fashion statement. I hope they switch off next time they go to clubbing.
[Editor: The article Paris Fashion Week Eats Itself, Models Wear Each Other inspired today’s madness.]