Killer Polar Bear Robots

The United Nations global climate agreement diplomats are congregating this week in Bonn, Germany. Officially, they are attempting to break the unofficial spending record for government retreats. Unofficially, they are getting a first-hand look at something that should concern us all: giant killer polar bear robots.

First spotted in London in the fall of 2013, the killer robot project, code named Aurora, has made a number of advancements. The heat-beams emanating from the eyes of the bear are now operational, and can rapidly heat a target from room temperature to a crispy 225 °F in less than 10 seconds. “We envision dozens of these bears roaming the earth, seeking out climate change deniers and demonstrating first-hand that global warming is not only real, but is also deadly,” said Anjibal Sukramar, a delegate from Objekistan.

ap_ap-photo1868-wi-640x439The carbon footprint of the giant robot polar bear is significant. However, you can see in the picture above that the “volunteer slave labor climate change alarmists” are dragging the bear to a nearby skeptic. This environmentally-friendly mode of transportation should offset any warming caused when the target is carbonized.

Annabel Francis, one of the volunteers on the chain gang, said, “I hate it when a skeptic moves in the ten seconds it takes to adjust their temperature from tropically-warm to marshmallow-in-a-microwave uncomfortably exploded.” I asked if she was serious. “Of course!” she replied, “Why would I lie about that?”

“It’s a very specific thing to hate,” I replied. She didn’t look amused.

Whether you are a cultural libertarian comedian or a real scientist, these giant killer polar bears are real and they are coming for us. This is version 1.0. Do you really think that world governments, obsessed with finding proof of man-made climate change in order to steal everything from their citizens, won’t waste hundreds of trillions of dollars perfecting this technology?

Be afraid. Be very, very afraid.

ArcticPolarBearProtest ‘Aurora’ causes man-made climate change skeptics to flee in terror.

For more information, see the story at Breitbart.

6 thoughts on “Killer Polar Bear Robots

        1. Definitely a giant killer polar bear robot prototype being developed by the United Nations to hunt down and neutralize man-made climate change deniers. What else could it be? A giant polar bear puppet at a Greenpeace protest? As if!

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