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by Terri the Potato

I was busy over Thanksgiving weekend handling some personal health issues. Don’t worry, it is nothing some stitches and Neosporin treatments won’t take care of. When catching up on The Mary Sue feeds yesterday I came across the following headline from Nov 27:

Star Wars Fans Demonstrate Full Power of Harassment to Fox News Contributor.
Sigh. Not great, people.

My initial reaction was: this happened on Faux News? Does anyone care? Is anyone caring about that? Anyone evil enough to appear on the channel is kinda wading into the piranha pond without their sexist chain-mail bikini bottoms. They can expect a little chewing to occur.

My second reaction was: what gabspeak is unaware that Star Wars The Force Awakens will do for political correctness what the original did for science fiction in 1977? Is anyone on the planet really that ignorant? Seriously?

My third reaction was the “contributor” was identified as a “journalist, National Review”. This is a blatant falsehood. National Review employs no journalists. They employ men who regurgitate Republican talking points. The kind of men you file harassment claims against if they take their shirts off at swimming pools.

My next reaction was, “the contributor appears to be a woman. This is, of course, impossible.” We all know the rules. If you hold to any part of feminist ideals, and in 2015 a vast majority of people do, you are a woman. If you do not, you are not a woman. Should arguments arise, Anita Sarkeesian has the final say. Appeals can be made via YouTube video confession.

I didn’t make these rules. Anita did. I just enforce them online in a non-judgmental way.

For example, I, Terri the Potato, am a woman. Laci Green, YouTube star, is a woman. Hillary? Of course she is a woman. Sarah Palin? Carly Fiorina? Not women. Here is a tricky one: Lena Dunham. A woman, despite whatever private bits were flaunted on TMZ this week. Another tricky one: Barack Obama. Woman. The ovaries are in there somewhere.

Which brings us to Katherine Timpf, Star Wars hater, “journalist”, National Review employee, and Fox News contributor. Definitely not a woman. So why, oh why, are you defending her, TMS?

Usually you get the full story from The Mary Sue by skimming the paragraph-length headlines, but with all my reactions and badfeelz I had to click through. I’m sooo glad I did.

It turns out Mx. Timpf is the only person on the planet who has never seen any Star Wars movie. None of them. Wonder how Tea Partiers end up so emotionally and politically stunted? Look to abuse like this. To watch any Star Wars movie is to understand the cult-like worship they engender. She, of all people, should understand. Surely she believes in freedom of religion, right? After all, her side made that concept up.

Second, the “opinion” that garnered the “threats” was said on Twitter. Come on, it’s Twitter! Death threats are just the way people say things. Ask a New Yorker for directions and you’ll get the list of colorful adjectives they use to greet tourists. Say something on Twitter and you’ll get threats of all kinds. Just get over it and embrace the way a different culture demonstrates good manners.

The only thing Star Wars fans were guilty of was being polite and welcoming to a new, diverse opinion. Exactly the same way enlightened social justice warriors treat different opinions. Leave it to a thin-skinned Conservative to make a Black Friday deal out of it.

Third, her comments were said not on a hard news or even an opinion show, but on a satirical news show. She was obviously using hyperbole to make a point, whatever stupid point it was. Hyperbole is the tool of the imbecile who can’t be bothered to make real points using real facts to convince real people their ideas are superior. No, the hyperbolist sets up a straw man and then obliterates it using a whoopee cushion.

Fortunately, the damage was quarantined in the headline. The article itself never criticized Star Wars fans, Twitter death threats, or women. The comments show equal restraint. My faith in The Mary Sue has been restored. The editor was clearly having a bad day, an offense that can be overlooked. After all, everybody occasionally has an off day. Even me.