The worst part of the Christmas season has arrived. As children, it made us question whether the entire holiday season was worth it. As grown-ups we must convince our children that a phone call does not replace a carefully hand-written letter of thanks. Neither does a text message. Do we even need to discuss emojis? As a result, we question whether the holiday is worth it as adults, too.

The thank-you letter is a keepsake for grandparents. Refrain from recording your gratitude on a napkin or the rough-draft of a comic strip. They even make special paper with cute drawings on it to distract from Twitter-debilitated penmanship. The best part about these pre-made cards is they are small. So sorry I couldn’t write more, the paper ran out!

There are many benefits to this chore. It builds character. Should your child grow up to be a supervillain it will make a terrific backstory. You’ll recall fond memories of your sister as your little one writes of her appreciation for the present she gave. Like the time you dunked Sis’s toothbrush in the toilet and then forgot to tell her about it.

You might want to let her know some time. One of us just did.

We at Tempest in a Teardrop are committed to removing the “chore” portion of the thank-you-letter-writing-chore. We’ve written a “thank you note template” which is as easy to fill out as it is fun. Just replace your own information in the brackets. Small children may need assistance, in which case you can simply ask them for the word each sentence demands. In fact, you should not even tell them they are writing a thank-you letter as you write up their answers for them. It will come out much more sincere and hilarious that way.

Dear [ gift-giver ],

Thank you for the [ adjective ] [ present ]. You have achieved level [ number ] in gift-giving. That’s on a scale from [ number ] to [ number ]. Like we say when we over-cook a [ noun ], well done! I intend to use the [ present ] to  [ verb ] the [ noun ]. I really appreciate your [ emotion ] in picking out such a [ adjective ] gift!

I hope you had a [ adjective ] [ holiday ]. I hope to [ verb ] the [ present ] often in 2016. Whenever I [ verb ] it, I will [ adverb ] think of you.

Wishing you all the best. Thank you once again for your [ adjective ] thought.

Love,
[ Letter-Writer ]

Glyph helped us out by beta-testing the template. I left her answers with the brackets in bold. You would obviously want to edit that part when writing out your letter in whatever passes for your handwriting style. Here are the results.

Dear [ Nana ],

Thank you for the [ manic ] [ dragon coloring book ]. You have achieved level [ 32 ] in gift-giving. That’s on a scale from [ 87 ] to [ 3 ]. Like we say when we over-cook a [ pickle ], well done! I intend to use the [ dragon coloring book ] to [ eject ] the [ chairs ]. I really appreciate your [ happiness ] in picking out such a [ colorful ] gift!

I hope you had a [ dubious ] [ Halloween ]. I hope to [ run ] the [ dragon coloring book ] often in 2016. Whenever I [ shoot ] it, I will [ slowly ] think of you.

Wishing you all the best. Thank you once again for your [ pink ] thought.

Love,
[ Glyph ]

WARNING: If you intend on receiving future presents from your loved one, you might want to just write your own thank you letter, and skip the template.

If anyone comes up with particularly comedic results when filling out their thank-you-letter templates, feel free to put them into the comments. We are busy writing our own thank-you notes, and could use the distraction!