Egrets and College

The internet is filled with pictures of clumsy, cuddly kittens; charming, comedic, canines; and birds. Today’s topic involves Egrets, a tall, heron-like swamp denizen.

Egrets live in elevated nests 20′ off the ground or higher. Alligators like them, or at least tolerate them. Nobody was sure why. Maybe the ‘gators would hang out and wait for a racoon or opossum to come looking for Egret eggs, then snatch them like Girl Scout cookies off an Amazon delivery truck. Maybe the droppings or waste from the nests made the ecosystem a little better around their nests, thus providing the ‘gators with a better selection of food. Maybe they simply like the way the birds look, and marvel at how something so clumsy while walking about in swamp water can be so graceful while in flight.

My own guess: alligators can’t climb. Do the math.

Scientists, however, being intellectually curious and eager to spend every grant dollar possible, were not satisfied with these theories and set out to discover The Truth. They set up trap cameras around Egret nests so they could observe the full wonder and splendor of nature. Every theory, much to their surprise, was wrong.

On the tapes, alligators would approach Egret nests. Sometimes, the parent birds would toss a baby Egret to the ‘gators. I’m sure this was because the alligators love Egrets, and wanted to take them home to be a pet.

Nature is wise, in addition to natural. What can we humans, in our complex but civilized society, learn from this behavior?

Let us consider the plight of Dr. Andrea Quenette, an assistant communications professor at the University of Kansas. On November 12, 2015 she was leading a discussion concerning “white privilege.” The good professor, who identifies as white and woman, used the word-that-white-people-shall-not-use. “As a white woman I just never have seen racism… It’s not like I see ‘N*****’ spray painted on walls…”

Of course, the inquisition began. Apologies were made, and treated as admissions of guilt. Suspensions were handed out. Pay was withheld. Victims were counseled. Another progressive professor was eaten by the feral children they were attempting to unleash on society. Tragic.

This kind of thing is happening every day. College professors need to take the lesson that the Egrets and Alligators have taught us to heart. When an SJW mob approaches; shambling, lurching, screeching, be ready to appease them with a handy sacrificial child. Surely there is a student nearby who doesn’t signal-virtue properly, shows intellectual curiosity, a creative streak, or can just plain read. This is the perfect candidate to push out of the nest and into the waiting maw of the politically correct monster you are trying to nurture.

This is just the kind of ruthless behavior common in nature, and perfectly acceptable in the feral environment college campuses have become. Don’t sweat their student loans. This is America. Somebody will repay them.

The Spork Speaks – Tempest in a Teardrop – Quizzer

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