You know how you woke up yesterday and said, “Today I have to finish the comic strip for Friday, write a post entering The Germ in a writing contest, prep for a really important meeting on Wednesday morning, and do something that will actually pay some bills”? Your specific list might not match mine.

Then Tuesday laughs at you, and says, “Good luck!” in that condescending, sneering voice that Tuesday always uses.

Yeah, mine was like that. Which is why instead of reading my contest entry and nefarious way in which The Germ was going to win it, you are getting this instead.

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First up, from Chicks on the Right, we have a very special person that made a heartfelt, touching speech to their local city council – begging them to reinstate the McRib sandwich at the local McDonalds. You have to see the video to believe it.

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Democrats no longer want democracy. Between the protests, whinging, pledges to never accept Donald Trump as President, and now urging the 65 million Hillary voters to not pay their taxes, it is the only reasonable conclusion. The deal is that we have fair elections, take our lumps, and re-bond as a country during the first 100 days as we come together in our sincere hatred for the new guy. Anything else tends to foster elections that result in gunfire. I’m on the record as saying future historians will record November 9 2016 as the first day of a post-Republic America.

Future schoolchildren will marvel that a humble spork could make the history books in that way..

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We have a responsibility to uphold our family-friendly standards to our readers. This is one of those rare instances where I want to override that stance for the sake of the humor, but Codex talks me out of it, and then we find a way to compromise. The link I’m going to share may or may not be family-friendly. If you could be considered a juvenile, or a dude, you should seek out an older, more responsible person like a Mom or Dad or Wife or Aunt or even my arch-nemesis Scott Adams before clicking on it. Let’s just say it involves bionic male-only body parts and the adventures one particular individual had with his. No, I haven’t read the article myself. My brain has had enough 2016 to last for an entire year.

If some brave individual reads this and remains sane, feel free to leave a tasteful description in the comments. Thank you.

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The Spork Speaks — Tempest in a Teardrop — tempestinateardrop.com