I was invited into  a first-time Hugo-nominees hotel room and told those magic  words every smart-alec loves to hear: make yourself at home. Hey, rookie mistake!  I went for  the rumored Hugo Swag Bag to see what it really contains.

Everybody talks about the diamond-studded Tesla and Scalzi-esque book publishing deal each nominee receives, but there is a lot more in there.

Mdm Tashka Valkaska’s Twitter Psychic Services. She claims  the ability to determine which Tweets you’ll need to delete, before you Tweet them. Thru a process which i cannot fathom, this does not cause a cascading Twitter paradox chain that can blow up Twitter. Twitter users do that on their own. Still skeptical of her abilities, I contacted Mdm Valkaska to ask for an example. “What about Irene Gallo?” I asked. “Easiest ever,” she replied with a thick Ukrainian accent, “she should not Twitter at all.” Astonishing! Value: $10,000

Hugo-award-winning author John Scalzi has generously included a packet of lawn seeds from his own actual lawn. Now every nominee can have grass as lush and large as his own. I don’t believe he picked and packaged the seeds himself. Value: $100

Vox Day provides an electronic coupon for his new book SJWs Always Lie. The book arrives for eReaders everywhere on August 27. For Hugo-nominees only he will send a Tor-inspired personal insult with  each download. Value: $15

Official WorldCon Hugo Polish. Useful for making all your awards sparkle. Impress editors, retailers, and internet sycophants alike! Value: $25

Finally, an original Tempest in a Teardrop comic strip, signed by the creators. Value: .50 .25 cents.