Mountain of Justice Blog
Hi, I’m The Green Onion, a new intern at the Mountain of Justice Blog. I wanted to do something *BIG* for my first assignment, and my bosses did not disappoint. They sent me to interview the hated and reviled Vox DayTM.
The first thing I learned is that the character known as VD (STDs are no laughing matter, but in this case…) is really just a dude named Theodore Beale. Or Teddy, as we playfully refer to him. This evil and twisted creature (I do not call him human as that refers to, well, people) is full of hate and despair and is the exact opposite of everything Social Justice stands for.
For example, he offered me espresso. Espresso beans are hand-picked by underpaid Guatemalans and exported to colonialist nations by unscrupulous businessmen. He offered me Blood! Coffee!!
At first blush the casual visitor will observe how unkempt the place is. A long road highlights all the bullying terror that his supporters can muster. Tombstones list the names of “trolls” they have metaphorically dispatched. An ancient coal plant spews black smoke everywhere. Minions watch from the inky darkness, their identities protected by faux internet names. Acid rain assures nothing grows, including modern ideas and hope. The whole place is a perfect metaphor for those stuck in the past, unwilling to accept the new ideas embraced by social justice warriors for the betterment of people.
Vox Day Mr. Beale himself seems pleasant enough, but his pitch begins with a lie. He claims to be a “half-Mexican, half-Indian – feather not dot – Italian immigrant.” Sounds diverse, but we ALL know a white man when we see one. He will NOT apologize; and in fact insists “SJWs always lie.” How this dude still has a platform is beyond me.
Theodore claims to be married, but has been unable to prove this for the past three years. Did you see the comic yesterday? Did you actually SEE his wife? No. That could have been anyone’s voice. Any guesses on which minion it was? We’re all looking at the slug-troll-creature who tried to oppress me. You won’t believe the set of slavish followers he has who will do ANYTHING he says. There are Ilk, entertained by the freakshow; the Dread Ilk, who run the freakshow; and the Vile Faceless Minions, who are *in* the freakshow. Voluntarily, if you can believe it. Three kinds of minion? Hey! Diversity!
Look, the man exists and has a voice, for now. I didn’t write this column to lead everyone to Bummerville and offer no hope. Today, an SJW seed has blown in and taken root against
long impossible odds. One day, it will grow into a mighty Lebanon Cedar, whose roots will utterly shatter those who cling to ideals designed by dead white christian slavers and booze-barons from three-hundred years ago.
Our long march continues apace…