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Tempest in a Teardrop: The Churchians

~ by Codex and Q

Tempest in a Teardrop: The Churchians

Author Archives: Quizzer

Pitchforks v Torches: The 2021 Redux

17 Tuesday Aug 2021

Posted by Quizzer in Behind the Frames, Politics

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

The Spork Speaks

*** This originally ran in 2017 and was then heavily revised in 2018. I’ve updated it again for 2021, since there are many more reasons to hold mostly peaceful protests. ***

Some people are pitchfork people. They like the heft, the balance, and the soothing calm that comes from sharpening evenly-spaced tines. Pitchforks look deadly. They are a practical yet humble implement used by commoners to work the land. When it’s time for 1776 shenanigans, pitchfork people herd oligarchical despots like snakes to a mongoose convention. Just as God intended. If you don’t find a cartoon-ish jab to the behinds of bankers, TV doctors, and corruptocrats as spectacularly hilarious as myself…

…then you are probably a torch person.
Torch people favor the agility a lit torch grants during disorderly political rallies. They enjoy the soothing calm that comes from staring into a dancing flame. Torches are the tool of alchemists, using a secret chemical reaction which few can explain, but everyone can understand. Making despotic autocrats do a heat-avoidance jig is humiliating and effective. Fire cleanses in a righteous manner. Also as God intended. Continue reading →

The Carnivorous Creature House Defense Incident

14 Saturday Aug 2021

Posted by Quizzer in Behind the Frames

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

Codex

Codex and I have been married for more than 20 years. Even the most clueless married couples will eventually catch on to unusual patterns. Odd behaviors. Weird defensive postures. Defensive postures that involve thick sticks.

Be me. Continue reading →

A Costco Update

12 Thursday Aug 2021

Posted by Quizzer in Behind the Frames

≈ 10 Comments

I’m putting together tomorrow’s post and I’m hesitant to throw this one out. I don’t want to be an alarmist, but the ‘gitchy feeling’ has infected me for three days now, and I’ve been doing extra prepping.

I’m not a conventional prepper. I’m not holding out for the apocalypse. I’m more in the “have a couple months of food/stuff you’d normally use over that time on-hand, rather than rely on the grocery store to supply you for the conventional three days.” It’s uncomfortable, and possibly insane, but I’d rather be viewed as an alarmist fool than let someone go without a head’s up. Continue reading →

Married to the Sea

12 Thursday Aug 2021

Posted by Quizzer in Life as a Leftie

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

The Spork Speaks

*** This originally ran in May of 2016. It is still a thing. They are still out there. Run. ***

On May 14, around two dozen students from Santa Monica College met at Santa Monica Beach to marry the Pacific Ocean.

I translated this from the video. Of course there is a video. Continue reading →

Vox Popoli: Unalived Yet Living

11 Wednesday Aug 2021

Posted by Quizzer in Behind the Frames, Evil League of Evil

≈ 5 Comments

Blogspot nuked the popular Vox Popoli blog today. Love him or hate him, you had to be aware of him. His backup is up and running at voxday.net or milobookclub.com. According to announcements on Social Galactic (his social media platform) it is a temporary location.

All comments from previous posts have been nuked and will probably not be restored unless Blogger (ie Google) restores the original site. They don’t have comments enabled yet, and his team are still working on fixing the links on the side bars. He does have an interesting war post up.

Rumors that he got hacked with the ransom being the release of “A Throne of Bones III” have been denied.

We at Tempest in a Teardrop are eagerly watching as the legions of Vile Faceless Minions, Ilk, Dread Ilk, Evil Legion of Lawyer Ilk, Camp Followers, and Well-Wishers  are assembling before the mighty evil throne of the Evil Lord of Evil himself. We imagine he’ll pop in, fully armored, eyes hungrily glowing for more skulls. Good luck, men, and remember: It’s chew, then swallow.

We don’t think ‘Evil Tummy Seltzer’ has the right tone.

Would You Betray the Human Race for $1 Million?

10 Tuesday Aug 2021

Posted by Quizzer in Pop Culture

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

The Spork Speaks

*** Originally published in September of 2015 ***

On 10 March 1972, America launched the Pioneer 10 spacecraft with a gold-anodized aluminum plaque, measuring 9″ x 6″. The plaque told any aliens finding the probe about our knowledge of Hydrogen, what we looked like, and, conveniently, on which planet they could hunt us. Continue reading →

A Humble Burger. Only $3500. Maybe $4500.

06 Friday Aug 2021

Posted by Quizzer in Pop Culture

≈ 6 Comments

Day One of our hiatus was a total success! We cleaned out our freezers. It had to be done. We’d stocked up at the beginning of the pandemic madness, had been cycling through the contents, but realized that some serious reorganization was needed. We are eating older, humbler fare (so as not to be wasteful) as we begin the process once again.

We’re at halftime here, folks. We hope that you are also getting prepared.

Serendipitously, I happened to stumble across this.

It’s a hamburger. It only costs $6000. Yes, I double-checked the number of zeros. Yes, that’s real gold dust encrusting the bun. I assume Bethel Church had a sale. Continue reading →

Classic: The Good Doctor

05 Thursday Aug 2021

Posted by Quizzer in Behind the Frames

≈ Leave a comment

*** This comic originally ran in August of 2016, as part of the original Tempest in a Teardrop. You can still find it deeeeep in the Archives. Ar-chives? ***

The_Good_Doctor_Update_with_Fix

 

The Mysterious Dark Cult of Master Pâtissiers

04 Wednesday Aug 2021

Posted by Quizzer in Pop Culture

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

The Spork Speaks

*** This post originally ran in July, 2016 ***

I recently concluded that we’ve taken the completely wrong approach to our financial life. That was nine hours ago. We’re now gourmet pastry chefs.

Research has been conducted. Techniques have been practiced. Orders have been placed. We’ve decided to enter at the lower-end of the gourmet market and work our way up as fame, recognition, and awards make their way to our new bakery. We’re still toying with the name, but I’m thinking there are worse choices than The Tempest in a Teardrop Tart Temple. Our treats will start in the $100-$150 dollar range.

The key to success in the gourmet pastry market is to specialize. We’re Americans. We picked doughnuts. Continue reading →

A Hiatus Can’t Stop the Humor

03 Tuesday Aug 2021

Posted by Quizzer in Behind the Frames

≈ 1 Comment

As of today we’re taking a three-week break from the comic. With the Apocalypse about to be unleashed at any moment, we certainly aren’t going to abandon you! There is far too much to laugh at!

My goal: to repost some old favorite comics and articles, to write some fresh ones, and to “redo” a few, so they meet our current world situation and generally-ridiculous circumstances. In fact, we’ll be putting something out six days a week!

This was planned. Reasons below. If you aren’t interested in how we do the comic, then bail now and we’ll see you tomorrow. Continue reading →

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