*** This originally ran in 2017 and was then heavily revised in 2018. I’ve updated it again for 2021, since there are many more reasons to hold mostly peaceful protests. ***
Some people are pitchfork people. They like the heft, the balance, and the soothing calm that comes from sharpening evenly-spaced tines. Pitchforks look deadly. They are a practical yet humble implement used by commoners to work the land. When it’s time for 1776 shenanigans, pitchfork people herd oligarchical despots like snakes to a mongoose convention. Just as God intended. If you don’t find a cartoon-ish jab to the behinds of bankers, TV doctors, and corruptocrats as spectacularly hilarious as myself…
…then you are probably a torch person.
Torch people favor the agility a lit torch grants during disorderly political rallies. They enjoy the soothing calm that comes from staring into a dancing flame. Torches are the tool of alchemists, using a secret chemical reaction which few can explain, but everyone can understand. Making despotic autocrats do a heat-avoidance jig is humiliating and effective. Fire cleanses in a righteous manner. Also as God intended. Continue reading