Puppies chew on everything. It is the way they discover what is good to eat, and what makes their people cry. Alas, TV remote, I hardly knew ye.

Eventually they level up and achieve teenage doggy-hood. Those that identify as male demonstrate the urge to “dance” with everything, as often as possible. By everything, of course, I mean: tree branches, pillows, fellow pack mates, dirty clothes, towels, and, basically, anything they think might be responsive to their advances. Pro-tip: keep them away from the internet during this phase or your troubles will be compounded ten-fold.

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