Salutations feeble humans. I, The Germ, have been tasked with writing a little about myself. You may bask in the glory of my words.

First, the physical differences between us. I am equipped with six totally flexible and completely prehensile appendages. You have two relatively inflexible monkey-like limbs. I carry three assistants with me at all times, while my three remaining limbs shovel Doritos down my gullet by the bucket. Chewing: optional. My superior digestive system will extract nutrients 500% faster than your own. Continue reading →