Some people are pitchfork people. They like the heft, the balance, and the soothing calm that comes from polishing evenly-spaced sharpened tines. Pitchforks look cool. They are a tool of the people, organically working the land, who are unjustly set upon by legally-elected thieves and sheriffs. The cartoon-like leap-n-butt-grab is as humiliating as it is effective, as pitchfork-wielders drive miscreants before them, the way that God intended. Continue reading →

News outlets all around the country have finally noticed the outbreak of creepy killer clowns. This isn’t surprising. The media is usually last to hop on the zeitgeist train, which means I needed to get this post published fast. The incidents have everything a presstitute craves when breaking a story. They’re unusual, have a macabre twist, terrify the public into paying attention, and can be blamed on Donald Trump. We’re all anxiously waiting to see how they’ll do that.

Scooby Doo would have already tackled this mystery and we’d be talking about the shocking reveal all over social media by now. Continue reading →