Valentine’s Day is fast approaching and it’s time to start planning your special evening now, gentlemen. I have three general pieces of advice:

1. Compliment your Valentine.
2. Be chivalrous; open doors, lend her your arm.
3. If she tries to rip out your jugular with her teeth, don’t hesitate to stake her. You did remember to bring a stake, right?

That’s odd, I can hear you asking, that third-point should be completely unnecessary. And, Why am I reading dating advice from a spork? Continue reading →

The Iowa corncus results are in: Cruz wins by an ear!

Continue reading →

We’re at the absolute lowest point during the presidential election silly season. I’ve been paying attention to presidential politics since the ripe old age of 10 or so, when a friend’s mother asked me why I supported Gerald Ford over Jimmy Carter. I had no idea. I’m sure she meant well. I remember flexing my brain. With superior logic, I could convince another voter to join “my side”! The pressure was on. Continue reading →